What a radical thought, that you actually were not created to be sad.
I like speaking in tongues. Somehow this gives me peace and directs my thoughts to God and often I receive revelations as I go off in this mysterious language. Tongues is very much a part of my devotions as well as my daily life. Even at work, I mutter in tongues under my breath. There are times, though, where I need to not speak in tongues and embrace silence. Silence is a bit more challenging. As soon as I start praying in tongues, I find myself feeling lighter and more ‘spiritual’. Yet silence confronts me in my humanity and to reach out for God in this state is, in my opinion, difficult. I have all sorts of thoughts flooding in, often completely random—like scenes from horror movies I watched 5-10 years ago or I start thinking about my friend Tori’s dog. And perhaps that is why this is a discipline I so desperately need. Sometimes I may use tongues to fill up my spirituality quota for the day, and though I may receive revelations from God as I speak in tongues, it may also be my way of drowning out the voice of God. I am sure it edifies my spirit despite, and I thank God for his grace that covers all, but the truth is my escapist tendencies do make it into my life with the Spirit. I think I may speak so often so there is no time left to silence. In silence, I direct myself to God and intentionally wait on him, seeking dialogue and guidance. In silence, I put down my ambitions and say, “you do you, God”, and I slowly receive things to intercede about or things to reflect on or verses to dwell on or words to hold on to. In silence, I get frustrated and bored and annoyed and I grow in patience, finding greater glory in all things. I really hate this silence thing, but my God, is it a gift.
Waiting is a movement. People who wait have received a promise that allows them to wait. They have received something that is at work in them, like a seed that has started to grow. This is very important. We can only really wait if what we are waiting for has already begun for us. So waiting is never a movement from nothing to something. It is always a moving from something to something more.
Waiting is also active. Most of us think of waiting as something very passive, a hopeless state determined by events totally out of our hands. But none of this passivity marks the waiting in scripture. It is active, because in our waiting we know that something is growing from the ground on which we are standing. Active waiting means to be fully present to the moment in a conviction that something is happening where you are and you want to be present to it."